Saturday, 22 February 2014

Dealing with loneliness// Letsturnthepage

Disclaimer- heads up that this might not be a post that you'd enjoy, If your still curious have a read, normal posts will resume tomorrow.
Growing up I was always a big sister to my two brother ( I have another older brother too ) , but I never had any sisters to call my own and share gossips with in bed. It's a weird coincidental matter that in all my extended families from my dads side of the family ( if that makes sense ) there is one girl and three boys that make up the kids, so the girls are pretty outnumbered by 4 to 13 in any family event. We all have a sisterly bond just for the fact that having no biological sister doesn't mean you don't have an older girl figure other than your mother to chat to.

For years I prayed ( literally ) to have a younger sister to stop the loneliness I felt being the only girl at home. At one point I would always be in a permanent anxiety mode when it came to school holidays because I hated being at home alone. I used to cry myself to sleep and get told off for spending too much time on my laptop, but it was mainly because I had nothing better to do. The lack of speaking to people made me isolated and staying in my room for a week during the breaks made me claustrophobic and sick. I didn't like speaking to my brothers because they were childish and annoying, they still are.

As I grew up and technology evolved, I got a phone at about 13 and I learnt that my friends and sisters are literally a message or phone call away- now we're constantly on a roll in our group chats. Although I wish I still had a 'real sister', to me my cousins are just as good as the real thing, although we hardly see each other. Sometimes it takes something to be taken away to realise the blessings you already have. I see it as fate that me and my cousins have been stuck with three brothers each, its annoying but we have a hell of a lot of fun embarrassing them and each other in the best ways possible.

Sorry that this post has no structure to it. I wanted to share by battles with loneliness in some ways and how I got past it. It still has its ups and downs and do still feel sad at times because of the situation but I try and make the most of what I have rather than what I don't.

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